I had this grande idea to show pictures of me playing with the boys and to share the story below but that didn’t work out too well. We had some unexpected weekend things pop up and the reality was boys crying in pictures and Jaden throwing shoes at my head.
Today was full of boys crying and ended with me upset. I sometimes feel like I’m on an island when I look around and see families out having fun and I’m just saying “stop, no, don’t do that, don’t hit each other……” It was a rough day but I wouldn’t trade these boys for anything. My Pink Lemon today is, they are a mess but I am thankful for them.
Have you ever messed up so bad and you thought “oh man where do I go from here?” I think most moms can say they’ve messed up at least once, but I want to tell you a story about my mother who unfortunately fell victim to the horrible problem of drug addiction. She subsequently lost custody of all three of her children. I was nine at the time my sister was 14 and my younger sister was only four. The hardest part of the story was that while I was excited to live with my Dad since I didn’t really have a relationship with him, my mother lost custody because she didn’t show up to court. For a nine-year-old that rejection seed was planted so deep that I didn’t even realize it until very recently.
At about the age of 23 I decided that it was time to forgive her, or so I thought. A few years later I messed up really bad…. it took that poor decision to realize that anybody can mess up at any time and who am I to not to forgive her. I would say that I probably truly forgave her about 8 years ago and our relationship grew a little. Two years ago we had a pretty bad falling out because she wasn’t really seeming like she want to be a part of the kids lives or my life. Looking back I’m sure she felt really bad about the decisions she’d made and couldn’t forgive herself for them. I’m glad to say that the summer before she passed away (and she passed away just last year) she came and stayed with me for a week. I look back at that week over and over and over again and wish that I had 100 more of those weeks to make up for all the lost time. This week make sure you show your mom you love her, even if you’re in a bad place. Moms sure do deserve a little bit of grace. My Mother’s bad habits were lemons and God painted them pink because she has become one of the best examples I have in my life. Her Death was a sudden 4 month battle with Cancer. I saw so many characteristics of the strong women she probably was before her addictions changed her. She was so Brave, so Courageous, so Loving, so Beautiful. I just wished I would have known all of that before I lost her.
(My older sister is on the top and I’m next to my mother)