Pre-Mother’s Day

Pre-Mother’s Day
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Similar Kate spade dress / Daisy Garden Dress

I on purpose am not going to look at what I wrote last year about my mother (bare with me if I repeat anything).  I am curious to see what comes from my heart this time.  When I was little (as you may have read last year) my mother was an addict so she didn’t raise me much of my life; consequently Mother’s Day has always been a hard day for me.

I am so blessed with my children and by plenty of people that love me so don’t feel bad.  I just got thinking this morning that I have come so far.

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I went through very bitter dark feelings until I was a young adult.  There are a couple of poems that I wrote her (a shared interest that we had) at 12 I wrote “Someday”  which was when I just wanted her in my life so bad, I would just sit and cry and write.

Someday I’ll see you.

Not alone.

Not in hiding…Someday I’ll see you. 

Someday I’ll see you 

We’ll be together.

In the same room.

Together…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you 

everything will be okay.

No one will care…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you. 

Nothing will matter. 

My love for you will never die…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you. 

“I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy” 

I will say….soon 

Someday I will see you.

I don’t remember if “Soul” came before or after but I felt so abandoned and just plain mad.  I would caution any parent that has a child that has lost a birth parent to really listen and if you listen good you can hear them screaming inside.

 

 

Hate, the burning desire to hate creeps up into my soul everyday

I try to push this feeling away.

But, sometimes no more can i take 

Hate is bad, I know 

but, why must life provoke me so.

I have shed many tears through hate

Im not proud, Im ashamed 

are so much

My soul can only take so much.

This can be controlled…I tell myself day by day.

I think the last dark one I wrote (there are many others) was “Fly Away”.  Stick with me, its gonna get happier.  

Lord, take me to a place unknown. 

I feel that I’m ready to go home.

Lift me up to flyaway there, like a flock of birds flying high in the air.  

The earth is filled with so much hate. 

Of which I feel that i should not participate.

Lead me to this paradise, so that I don’t have to feel this rueful strife.

Bring me through those golden gates.

I just cannot take much more of this place.

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On 03/01/01 (I know the date because I wrote it down) a Pastor at the Lutheran Church I was attending talked about forgiveness and she said something that struck a cord.  She said “Make a list of people that have hurt you and forgive them.  Im not going to share the whole list But #1 was My Name and #2 was My Mother.  I don’t remember why I put myself down first…maybe it was because I knew that my heart wasn’t right but regardless, that day was a breaking point.  I forgave her.  I forgave her for the drugs and life that she let consume her.  I let her back in.  I had for the sake of protecting myself pushed her far away and convinced myself I didn’t need her anyway.  Fast forward to the day she week before she died: I sat in the room with her by ourselves, she couldn’t really talk from her stroke.  We just stared into each others eyes for a while and she just kept nodding at me like she could her my voice.  I wasn’t talking but I was thinking; I love you, I forgive you, let go of your pain go home and be new.  I had several more moments like this with her, one where she confirmed that she had already trusted in the Lord.  When I got the call that she was close to the end. It was just her daughters sitting around her after my Nana went home for the night.  We sat there for a couple of hours and then with my hand on her chest, and hovered over her I felt her last heart beat and heard her last breath.  I think she gave that to me. Somehow in that one moment, that one small gift made everything amended.  The closeness I needed all of my life, I finally received.  I hold on to that moment every-time I get sad.

I Love you Mommy, I will see you again.

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Curly Girl

Curly Girl

So lets talk about natural hair!  I had big bouncy curls as a child and then when I was 10 I was taken to get my first relaxer….BIG MISTAKE!  I continued getting relaxers till about 7 years ago when I met Becky at the Kenneth’s in Dublin.  She convinced me to grow the relaxers out and I am so glad that I did because honestly I still had to flat iron my hair when I wanted it straight but now I don’t have all of the chemical damage.  I don’t think I have the best curls but thats what the good Lord gave me to work with so I have just learned to embrace it.

The only downside to going natural is that when the humidity is high there is no keeping my hair straight….it just gets puffy.   July is usually super hot in Ohio so I was on the hunt recently for a new curly product to use.  I am mixed so typically products for Caucasian hair don’t work that great for me but on the flip side some Black hair products are too heavy.  Whats a girl to do!  I saw Ouidad at Ulta and instantly the Marketing compelled me because of the diversity they showed in the models!  I walked out with these three products as well as a shampoo sample pack just incase I didn’t like it.  I have kinky curls but I also bought the beach wave foam.

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Wave Create, Curl Immersion, Melt-Down Extreme Repair Mask, and The Trial Kit

My process was to wash and apply the Melt Down Mask for 30 min.  Then I rinsed with cold water and applied the Immersion section by section and dry with a defuser attached to my GHD Dryer .  Here is the finished look,  I will say that if I do curls for a week usually the curls get better after a couple washes. The pic makes them look a little frizzy but they really aren’t its just back lit.

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Old Kate Spade Dress, my shoes are Classic Salvatore Ferragamo Kala pumps in Navy which are fairly hard to find but I did see that Zappos has some right now.  Usually Bloomingdales restocks them.

Here is a pic from today all I did was put a tiny bit of water in to reform the curls on top but Im really happy with this because usually I can only get one day out of my curls.

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How cute is the Zara top and it is on Sale!!!! Lip stick is Chanel Le Rouge Crayon in Cassis

If you get Lemons today paint them pink!

Makeup Routine

Makeup Routine

Ive been trying to do this post for a couple of weeks for the people who were asking but, its been CRAZY!!!  Running a business and keeping up with 3 little boys is a daily challenge but, I think we have finally caught up from vacation.  Im definitely not a pro but I have gotten to consistent makeup results even though I still get “bad makeup days”  kinda like bad hair days lol!

Here goes….

No makeup,  Ive gotten these dark spots over the last couple of years and I know a chemical peel will help but I only do intense skin treatments in the winter (less likely to have a problem from the sun).  I use a Beauty Blender or my Makeup Forever foundation brush for my Ultra HD Liquid Foundation.  Seriously this is the best foundation hands down….ever!!!!  I use their smoothing primer after my Chanel Moisturizer (has no fragrance) and before the foundation.  Tarte Shape Tape concealer is a new found favorite for me I haven’t used any other concealer that sticks as well

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A little bit goes a long way,  I mix a red and yellow for my skin but I use one pump at a time but use about a total of 3 pumps.  (With the brush you have to do it in thin layers or you will get streaks).  Next I do my eyebrows (sometimes I do them first) the trick here is to use a thin brush and I love the Anastasia DipBrow.  Lots of patience make the perfect brows.  I make small hair strokes one at a time.  No one tells you this but when you hit 30 you start losing them and magically they grow on your chin…smh!

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The Reason I skip to my eyebrows before finishing my face is to give the foundation a chance to settle in before I contour.  I like a dewy look on my face so don’t do a lot of finishing powder I just bake under my eyes (which you will see soon).  I use Anastasia Powder contour kit. I use Nars blushes, Orgasm and Desire are my favorite hues.

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Ok I have a eyeshadow palette obsession but currently I love my Tartiest Pro Amazonian Clay Palette, it has so many great colors in it!

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If you don’t have this brush go get it….the Sephora Pro Crease.KAT_5064

Ive been baking under my eyes for 2 years now (before it had a name lol)  I love how the Brightening Powder my Laura Mercier gives them an extra boost.  I have tried several brands and this one is the best in my opinion.

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I love this mascara by Chanel.  Don’t I make the craziest faces putting my makeup on…I should do an outtake blog post….Big fail!  You have to use the base too it makes a big difference!  Finally I do a subtle red lip typically, this is a great liner (#98) and my favorite lipstick ever is Rouge Coco in Mademoiselle (434)

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If anyone has any other questions feel free to ask!

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I love that makeup is another way to be artistic.  It definitely gives me confidence as I get older. I don’t think women need makeup to be beautiful but I do think it just adds to our femininity! 

Breezy Pineapples

Breezy Pineapples

I picked up this outfit yesterday at Easton.  I spied the pineapple print as soon as I walked in and decided on this top and shorts.  The length on the shorts is perfect!

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Of course my taco truck tagged along  (on a side note I seriously need to lay off the tacos!!!) The Bag isn’t online yet but you can call my girl Emily at Easton and she will get you one. Here is a really cute necklace!!! 

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Let’s talk about these shoes from Talbots (heart emoji!!!!). Snag them tonight while they are 30% off.  Ive mentioned before that I think they do a good job with keeping the price and quality on point!  I have several more on my wish list. These come in 4 colors I also want the gold.  Wish list shoes, flower sandals , Strappy dressy,  flower heel.  I also picked up this dress, its on sale too! KAT_4746fKAT_4702

The Disney Experience

The Disney Experience

While prepping for our trip to Disney World I can’t think about the little boy that I saw at the Orlando airport on our way back just last week from a work trip there was probably about 100 people in the area and he was having pretty bad tantrum similar to those that Jaden has.  These kind of tantrums are pretty much uncontrollable, there’s nothing you can do to make the screaming stop what you get very frustrated.

This boy was carrying on with what I think was his grandparents I kept telling myself to mind my own business,  but as I saw strangers looking,  several laughing and giving looks of disapproval.  I thought, you know what if that was me… [which it was a couple years ago at a Disney park] so against my better judgment and using God’s prompting I went over and asked if I could offer of help.  He stopped crying and focused on what I was saying.  I’m not telling you this to tut my own horn because I was there about three years ago on a Disney trip, Jaden was having a major major down on the bus on the way back to the Grande Floridian.  Greg was not with us because he’s been injured by one of Jaden’s tantrums just before our trip.  A couple stepped in to help me restrain him as he was violently ripping my hair out and punching me. It had gotten so bad that he worked his way out of his diaper and was screaming uncontrollably with pee going everywhere  that stranger stepped in and offered a hand and I’ll remember that face for the rest my life because I was so distraught, so embarrassed and helpless.  I guess the Pink Lemon today is YOU!  You can be someones light today!  You never know what someone is dealing with so instead of offering up at judgmental Stare or Snicker maybe offer up for helping hand. Even a sweet word or simple smile can go a long way.  I want to share some pictures of our Trip to Pandora World of Avator but first here are a few of our Planning Tips based on staying at Disney Properties that have worked out pretty good.  We will go to Disney will the kids next week and I will share more!

#1 Don’t over plan your day-  Ive found (this will be our 7th Trip with the kids)  that if the day is too planned out I get stressed trying to make sure we stay of schedule.

#2 Get a Meal plan if you can-  We have always used one our family trip.  When Greg and I have gone on a weekend even just doing the Quick Service and one Big meal we spent a lot.  This Year we are only doing the Disney Dining plan (we usually do the Deluxe)  We switched because its only one sit down meal per day and I think that most of our problems were from the kids having to sit for a full service meal (plus tipping gets pretty pricey)

#3 Pack as light as possible for the plan ride if you are flying- we try to fit everything in one carryon then we each check a bag with Disney Magic Express (they take your bag straight to the hotel

#4 Don’t Stay at the park all day!!!!  I can’t stress this enough,  I see families fighting all the time because they are hot, worn out and irritated.   We go in the morning at about 8 or 9 then we stay till about lunch time and head back to the resort.  The older boys swim and Jaden and Greg Nap (he gets grumpy too).  Then at Dinner time we head back to a park.KAT_4444

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Disney Sponsored us to go to the Media opening of Pandora World of Avatar at Disney’s Animal Kingdom and to see the new Fireworks Spectacular “Happily Ever After”.  As I expected they hosted a phenomenal event!  One of the Disney Ambassadors told me during an interview that Disney has an acronym for their guests, every guest is a VIP (Very Important Person)!

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These are “Disney Super Fans” we interviewed for our Radio Show.

KAT_4372.jpgPandora itself was amazing!  My Shorts are from Zara here and my favorite top of the summer here on sale at JCrew.

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My shorts can be found here  and Mickey Mouse Keds are on sale

***Spoiler Alert*** The Flight of Passage Ride is hands down my favorite ride at all the parks, I rode it four times during the preview.  I think the middle couple seats were my favorite (seats 5 and 6 particularly)  When you first get on your Banshee, you can feel it breathing against your legs.  As you take flight you can feel the cool breeze in your face.  As you fly over the water you get the spray of the waves and then the smell of the trees as you go over land again.  my favorite part is as you go over land you smell dirt.  You go into a cave and it gets cool again and so calming as this fresh scent takes over.  It really is a Journey!  KAT_4325

The Na’vi River Journey is pretty cool too here is a our Mounted Camera ride.

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Thats all for now!  Ill be sharing our family trip next week!

 

Memorial Day Outfit

I Went into Zara to get these Mickey Shorts and walked out with several tops, here is my favorite one.  I can believe that they were so reasonably priced!  If you haven’t shopped there yet you won’t be disappointed!  My Skirt is from Talbots, I love their stuff because its classic and lasts as long as you want to keep it. My shoes are old Kate Spades but here is a similar pair, I love talbots shoes especially when they have 40% off!!  Im working on a story about our Business trip to Disney, Im hoping to have it done tomorrow.  For Now here is a fun Memorial Day Look.

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A Much Needed Refresh

A Much Needed Refresh

Today was probably one of the most fun days I’ve had with my husband in a while. We got up early and went Golfing at the Punta Espada Golf Club in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. We have always tried to support each others hobbies but golf was one that had been frustrating me. I started taking lessons with the Golf Pro, Matt Smith at The Pinnacle Golf Course in Grove City, OH.  In just 3 lessons he has made it much more fun for me.

There were a couple of sentiments that I had today.

#1 Greg, my husband is my best friend.

#2 He is my biggest cheerleader, seriously pompoms and all!!!!

#3 He is one of the most encouraging and positive people I know!

I am so thankful to God for the Friend that I have in my husband, because it has always been hard for me to make good friends. I have had my fair share of “Mean Girls” in my life and recently even had a “Mean Moms” incident.  I was talking to a friend on this trip and we both agreed if we spend less time thinking about what we don’t have and more about what God has blessed us with our lives, marriages and parenting will be so much more on point!

We met this really sweet couple at dinner that came over and said they noticed us praying together and they were encouraged as newlyweds to see that.  It was so sweet to see a young couple understanding that they need Jesus at their center.

Here are a few shots from the day!

My Caddy Roberto was awesome,  he joked with us and really was a fantastic guy.  The other caddy for our foursome laughed when Greg took this picture and said, “Cafe et crema”.  A lot of the Dominican people have thought I was from here.  I even had some come up and speak Spanish to me.  When I told them I wasn’t and that I am mixed, black and white, the one guy said oh Michael Jackson.  I thought it was hilarious!  I always try to get to know people on our travels.  Roberto has 2 Children and our other Caddy was Juan, he has 4 children.  They work very hard and travel far to work at the course.  Ill be praying for them to continue making Golf loads of fun for people like me.

Greg and I came back to our Resort Secrets and got ready for dinner.

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But first Coffee

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My top is from Talbots and also comes in pink, it is perfect for a breezy evening…very light weight!  Of course I had to get these Jack Rogers sandals when my friend Emily of (Laugh Live and Shop) sent me the link.  These sandals also come in blue and Im not gonna lie I kinda want blue too😊

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Sorry but you will see one more pair of these shorts in a couple days.  They are so cute and I love them in every color.  The pink are going fast so grab your size if you can.

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I Love novelty bags and this Camera Bag is my favorite so far.  I also have the Camera iPhone case which is currently on sale.  I love the lipstick I’m wearing in this picture.  its Lorac Matte Lip Color in Mauve and my eyes have a magical unicorn look with Tarte Make Believe in Yourself  palette.

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We are a little red, I was gonna color correct it but I guess it shows how much fun we had  in the sun today and thats ok…also perfect is boring!

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day

I had this grande idea to show pictures of me playing with the boys and to share the story below but that didn’t work out too well.  We had some unexpected weekend things pop up and the reality was boys crying in pictures and Jaden throwing shoes at my head.

Today was full of boys crying and ended with me upset.  I sometimes feel like I’m on an island when I look around and see families out having fun and I’m just saying “stop, no, don’t do that, don’t hit each other……” It was a rough day but I wouldn’t trade these boys for anything.  My Pink Lemon today is, they are a mess but I am thankful for them.  KAT_3201f

 

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Kate spade Dress, Kate Spade Lydia Heels and still by found at random stores HereCamera Purse

My Mother

Have you ever messed up so bad and you thought “oh man where do I go from here?”  I think most moms can say they’ve messed up at least once, but I want to tell you a story about my mother who unfortunately fell victim to the horrible problem of drug addiction.  She subsequently lost custody of all three of her children. I was nine at the time my sister was 14 and my younger sister was only four. The hardest part of the story was that while I was excited to live with my Dad since I didn’t really have a relationship with him, my mother lost custody because she didn’t show up to court.  For a nine-year-old that rejection seed was planted so deep that I didn’t even realize it until very recently.

At about the age of 23 I decided that it was time to forgive her, or so I thought.  A few years later I messed up really bad…. it took that poor decision to realize that anybody can mess up at any time and who am I to not to forgive her.  I would say that I probably truly forgave her about 8 years ago and our relationship grew a little.  Two years ago we had a pretty bad falling out because she wasn’t really seeming like she want to be a part of the kids lives or my life.  Looking back I’m sure she felt really bad about the decisions she’d made and couldn’t forgive herself for them.  I’m glad to say that the summer before she passed away (and she passed away just last year) she came and stayed with me for a week. I look back at that week over and over and over again and wish that I had 100 more of those weeks to make up for all the lost time. This week make sure you show your mom you love her, even if you’re in a bad place. Moms sure do deserve a little bit of grace. My Mother’s bad habits were lemons and God painted them pink because she has become one of the best examples I have in my life.  Her Death was a sudden 4 month battle with Cancer.  I saw so many characteristics of the strong women she probably was before her addictions changed her.  She was so Brave, so Courageous, so Loving, so Beautiful.  I just wished I would have known all of that before I lost her.

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