Pre-Mother’s Day

Pre-Mother’s Day
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Similar Kate spade dress / Daisy Garden Dress

I on purpose am not going to look at what I wrote last year about my mother (bare with me if I repeat anything).  I am curious to see what comes from my heart this time.  When I was little (as you may have read last year) my mother was an addict so she didn’t raise me much of my life; consequently Mother’s Day has always been a hard day for me.

I am so blessed with my children and by plenty of people that love me so don’t feel bad.  I just got thinking this morning that I have come so far.

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I went through very bitter dark feelings until I was a young adult.  There are a couple of poems that I wrote her (a shared interest that we had) at 12 I wrote “Someday”  which was when I just wanted her in my life so bad, I would just sit and cry and write.

Someday I’ll see you.

Not alone.

Not in hiding…Someday I’ll see you. 

Someday I’ll see you 

We’ll be together.

In the same room.

Together…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you 

everything will be okay.

No one will care…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you. 

Nothing will matter. 

My love for you will never die…Someday I’ll see you.

Someday I’ll see you. 

“I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy” 

I will say….soon 

Someday I will see you.

I don’t remember if “Soul” came before or after but I felt so abandoned and just plain mad.  I would caution any parent that has a child that has lost a birth parent to really listen and if you listen good you can hear them screaming inside.

 

 

Hate, the burning desire to hate creeps up into my soul everyday

I try to push this feeling away.

But, sometimes no more can i take 

Hate is bad, I know 

but, why must life provoke me so.

I have shed many tears through hate

Im not proud, Im ashamed 

are so much

My soul can only take so much.

This can be controlled…I tell myself day by day.

I think the last dark one I wrote (there are many others) was “Fly Away”.  Stick with me, its gonna get happier.  

Lord, take me to a place unknown. 

I feel that I’m ready to go home.

Lift me up to flyaway there, like a flock of birds flying high in the air.  

The earth is filled with so much hate. 

Of which I feel that i should not participate.

Lead me to this paradise, so that I don’t have to feel this rueful strife.

Bring me through those golden gates.

I just cannot take much more of this place.

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On 03/01/01 (I know the date because I wrote it down) a Pastor at the Lutheran Church I was attending talked about forgiveness and she said something that struck a cord.  She said “Make a list of people that have hurt you and forgive them.  Im not going to share the whole list But #1 was My Name and #2 was My Mother.  I don’t remember why I put myself down first…maybe it was because I knew that my heart wasn’t right but regardless, that day was a breaking point.  I forgave her.  I forgave her for the drugs and life that she let consume her.  I let her back in.  I had for the sake of protecting myself pushed her far away and convinced myself I didn’t need her anyway.  Fast forward to the day she week before she died: I sat in the room with her by ourselves, she couldn’t really talk from her stroke.  We just stared into each others eyes for a while and she just kept nodding at me like she could her my voice.  I wasn’t talking but I was thinking; I love you, I forgive you, let go of your pain go home and be new.  I had several more moments like this with her, one where she confirmed that she had already trusted in the Lord.  When I got the call that she was close to the end. It was just her daughters sitting around her after my Nana went home for the night.  We sat there for a couple of hours and then with my hand on her chest, and hovered over her I felt her last heart beat and heard her last breath.  I think she gave that to me. Somehow in that one moment, that one small gift made everything amended.  The closeness I needed all of my life, I finally received.  I hold on to that moment every-time I get sad.

I Love you Mommy, I will see you again.

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Posh Pineapples

Posh Pineapples

I love fruit prints so when I saw this skirt I had to have it!  (Lemons and Pineapples are my favorite)  When ever I buy a skirt like this I usually make sure that I have a casual top to wear with it to wear on the weekends as well as a dressy top. Its finally warm enough to bring out some of my summery pieces so Ill be posting all my Talbots haul on instagram this week.  I can wait to get my outdoor space all set up because lets face it Ohio weather has been anything but tropical!KAT_5626

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All three pieces are currently 30% off!  Poplin Top / Skirt / Stripe Pima Tee

Also on my list this dress and this dress as well as this bag!

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Standout

Standout

I had time in-between meetings today when l was driving down Lane Avenue in Upper Arlington I started reflecting on myself and realized a few things. (I happened to have my camera too so that was a bonus!)  I’m gonna share one of them today.  I have in some ways held myself back not even realizing it.  My sister got married this weekend (Yay!) and one of the things our Dad said about her is so true, “When Shelby says she is going to do something…she does it”.   I have always thought she was amazing in so many different ways but that comment right there summed it up.  She is confident!  I think I have a little of that but, I somehow revert back to this place of feeling that I am so different that I try to fit in.  I need to remind myself that my differences make me unique, they make me interesting and they make me special….and thats ok!  Pink Lemons Right?!?

I bought this outfit last week, totally out of the realm of my normal style but its kinda saucy!  Red is the ultimate confidence color and Linen is extremely comfortable.

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Banana Republic jacket can be found here and Banana Republic jumpsuit here. (I know there aren’t many sizes left but this romper version is cute!  The espadrilles are old Kate spade but here are some cute ones! Necklace can be found here at Tiffany and Co. (this is not sponsored) go see Bob at the Easton Store if you live in Columbus he will take good care of you!

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Lady Like

Hi, I’m still alive…Lots going on with my business in the last few months but I’m back!

I have been a long time follower Gal meets Glam by Julia Engel, more of from a distance early on because I was traveling so much and thought her travel content was awesome.  When i found out that she was launching a dress line I knew right away it was going to be amazing! I bought 6 dresses so ill be posting them over the next couple weeks on my instagram.  The Anne is my favorite because of the crisp fabric and perfect fit.  I styled it with a belt here because i was wearing it to work but it comes with a fabric tie.  annedress5

 

I love how the button detail is on a diagonal in the front of the dress and there is a zipper up the back.  Sometimes dresses are hard to get on and off but this one is very functional and easy.  The strawberry bag is Kate Spade (nordstrom still has them).anne4annedress2

I think you could throw on some flats or espadrilles and change the entire look!  I ordered my dress’s from Nordstrom but here is the link directly from Gal Meets Glam.

Here are my other suggested pairings- This bag and these shoes.

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Black and White

Black and White

Ok not to be cheesy but todays outfit kinda reminded me of something.  Life isn’t always Black or White…  Im not talking about right or wrong because there are definitely lines in the sand there, Im thinking more about how we feel.  (I was thinking about the verse where God says he’d rather we be Hot or Cold just not lukewarm)  I have to admit my   attitude about almost everything has been so bleh lately.  Think about it coffee is great Hot or Iced Cold just not room temperature.  Although I’ve let somethings get to me Ive not been angry but I’ve not been happy go lucky either. I am so very blessed and I have the ability to choose my outlook no matter the circumstances. Today I choose happy.IMG_0065KAT_0898

I think I fit every possible trend in this outfit (Tweed, Lace, Velvet, Leather, and Suede!!!)

This Jacket is my favorite purchase this fall  I love the quality and how versatile it is, Talbots really hit it out of the park.  The velvet trim on this lace top is very sweet (currently 25% off)!  The leather skirt is from a few years back but current version is linked.

KAT_0891.jpgThese Kate Spade shoes also come in vintage rose.  I love anything with cute details like these pearls and ties.

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Closet Redo

I’ve been busy over here working on  projects that were kind of half done around the house.  We had a few rooms left that needed to be painted .  My closet which already had Elfa shelving from the Container Store needed finishing off and I also needed to paint it.  So in typical Kristin style, one night I was laying on the floor of my closet I know that sounds weird but I was tired from putting away all my laundry and sat there thinking about what I wanted to do and decided it was time to finish it.  Every room plus the storage closet in my home has the Elfa shelving which I love it because it’s interchangeable.  At our old house my husband had custom shelving put in in our closet which was beautiful but I almost like this better because I could change it out as seasons change so for instance this time year and have us a sweater so I put more shelving but in the summer I have more dresses so I need more hanging space.  I bought a few more decor shelves and I really love the shoe racks.  I also added a few inexpensive touches like these 3 M Command knobs for my long necklaces, a couple led lights for my vanity area and a couple gold frames from TJMaxx.  I have one last thing to do which is to add LIGHTS. I have this chandelier but I really need some can lights installed.  (Greg please read this) 

If you have an Idea or want something done…do something about it.  

Casual Friday 

I have totally completely been MIA from my blog the last month but I promise it will get better.  I looked busted for like 2 weeks from a stupid summer cold…then my husband and I were super busy with plans at our practice…then my dog ate my homework….lol….but seriously we had a lot happening and since this is just for fun it took a back seat.  Unfortunately we lost Greg’s Dad last Friday and laid him to rest just yesterday so of course we were spending lots of time with his mom.  I stopped into Talbots on Lane Avene and ….WOW is all I can say about the collection. And I did some theroputic shopping this dress is just a cute little running around number but the sleeves make it!  

They had 25% off so I also picked up another dress, a couple of pants and a jacket.  Don’t pass up this collection it’s really back to the high quality design and fabric that made me a fan years ago.  

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